121/365 par [Leslie]
Either:
1. I am that boring.
2. I am that forgettable.
3. I am that disposable.
4. I am that replaceable.
or
1. I put too much faith in people and have too high of a standard.
2. People really are that self absorbed and don't have time to put anything into a two-sided friendship.
3. People really don't care about anything unless it benefits them.
I don't guess I have an answer to which one or ones is correct and I don't guess I need one.
I think I am looking for someone that is as genuine as my husband and his best friend are to each other. My husband doesn't have a lot of people that he considers friends--two actually--but the quality of the relationship between him and those two people is really great. And one in particular is just at the point that I am starting to believe was just a fluke and happened by some mistake the universe made, tripping over time and space to accidentally bring these two people together to form the most spectacular friendship in the world.
And I've been dumb enough to use that as a standard.
I am silent. Anyone who has become a "friend" or acquaintance of mine since I was five years old knows that I am silent. I do not typically speak unless I am spoken to. That comes with a lot of crap that I've dealt with over the years and that is just who I am. My silence was there to begin with. I do not know anyone that I knew before I was five years old.
So, I am disappearing. I invest way too much of myself and my heart into the friendships that I try to develop and end up getting hurt every time. And I just don't want to do it anymore. I will get used to being alone. I am not going to get close to people that call themselves my friends and then don't talk to me or tell me flat to leave them alone and then say they miss me or completely disappear into absolute nothingness or move away and say they'll write and call and visit and have me to visit and never do. I am done making unanswered telephone calls, writing emails that don't get responses. I can't handle it anymore; I might just lose any concept of who I am at all. So I will be alone. That will be who I am. And silent. I won't invest into something that doesn't need or want investment.
Giving up is a lot easier than getting hurt again and again. I don't have faith in people anymore. Blood is the only thing that binds. And accidents I guess.
Commentaires
view profile
n o t | y o u r | a v e r a g e | g i r l Pro User dit :
I don't think this helps much, but I'll be here!
I will always respond to your messages! Always!
Sometimes I wonder what's better- giving up and being lonely forever with no chance of finding anything better, or getting hurt over and over in exchange for those rare satisfying moments?
That's something only the individual can decide for themselves, and it's something to think about.
Posté il y a 19 mois. ( permalien )
view profile
kellybellystar Pro User dit :
You are not boring or forgettable- I look for your posts every day. Neither are you disposable or replaceable, there will only ever be just one of you. I look for you because you often express what I feel but cannot say. I too have a tendency to be mostly silent. You may be correct that most people are self absorbed, it certainly seems that way. I often give people the benefit of the doubt and end up getting hurt in the process. Even when I know people are not being genuine, I choose to believe their words and not their actions - it sucks and I get hurt a lot. But I persevere... I was just thinking of this very thing while I was on my way home from work. I have to not hold others to my standards because people are not like me and evidently they are not like you either. You are really awesome and you take phenomenal pictures and you express ideas more than just for yourself - you touch people you don't even know...
Posté il y a 19 mois. ( permalien )